hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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