i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
It's just like the Real World with babies
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Randomize
