he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
