My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
