ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
