i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
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Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
you made out with another girl for some wings
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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