All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
