it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
where are you?
Hypothermia
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Randomize
