True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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