Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I am one with the molecules
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
