Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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