3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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