I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
