you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
