I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
