Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
