A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
