either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Swine flu. Run for my life!
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
