the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
