woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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