so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
