yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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