Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
