and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
this beer tastes like vomit already
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
