weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
