So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
