She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
