I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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