We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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