Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Randomize
