Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
