No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
