Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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