i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
