in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
