when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
my shit smells like andre
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
