Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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