Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
