OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
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