Pappa wants mamma naked
Betty ford says i'm here all night
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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