I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
