If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
