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There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
