? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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