my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
