who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
