Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
