I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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