I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
