I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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