Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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