i jhust puked up my retainher.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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