We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
