I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
