In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
