laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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