Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
