She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
