i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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