u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
