I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
This is the high leading the old right now
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
