Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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