My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
