so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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