I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
