Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
